Growing up and evolving in life comes with its share of regrets, shame, remorse, and especially trauma about things in the past. What we did, what we should have done or not done, but also what happened to us. And this is especially true in a romantic relationship. Past wounds can haunt us to the point of preventing any new relationship from flourishing.
How can the past compromise the future of a couple?
An insecure person constantly plagued by suspicion is constantly on guard. They are incapable of trust. According to Dr. Jill P. Weber, people who have had one or more emotionally, physically, or sexually toxic romantic relationships in the past may develop a hypersensitivity to the signals that usually precede such events. This situation ultimately leads to these people developing a tendency to react immediately to any sign their minds might detect.
The distress experienced as a result of these bad past relationships can trigger this reflex inappropriately in new situations with people who are probably unaware of this history. A terrifying feeling of déjà vu that, in many cases, leads to bad reactions.
Is there hope for a couple?
Although one might justify their approach by the extreme similarity of the scenarios, in hindsight, we often realize that this is not the case. This can lead to feelings of shame or guilt because we finally realize the harm or mistreatment we inflict daily on a partner who only wants the best for us. Especially since we honestly recognize that we would never accept such treatment.
If you find yourself in this description, know that it's time to pull yourself together. Fate has no place here.
It's certainly true that the chances of you forgetting the hurts of the past are slim, if not almost non-existent. We always remember them and unfortunately, have no choice but to live with them. it is possible to overcome them; everyone has the strength to do so deep down.
What to do when you have suffered too many infidelities in the past
If betrayal has been a frequent part of your past relationships, you might panic when you're not in direct contact with your partner. If they've been away for several days for one reason or another, the corrosion of uncertainty is growing. Texts and phone calls are frantically linked, with the sole aim of knowing their exact location in real time. Even if you use the excuse of worry, it's important to know that this kind of behavior is generally perceived as a total lack of trust. Especially if the other person is unaware of the underlying reason why you're doing this.
Instead of engaging in these unnecessary behaviors (unnecessary because, instead of feeling reassured or comfortable, it only creates more anxiety), take a step back and dare to look at your past traumas. You should seriously consider broaching the subject with your partner. Tell them your story and make it clear what scares you about it. Seeing the efforts you're making to not give power to the ghosts of the past, your new partner will be happy to help you get through this ordeal.
What should you do if you feel like someone is trying to make you a dominated or submissive person?
Perhaps you've had one or more previous partners who tended to muzzle you in the relationship, reducing you to nothing more than another piece of furniture in the house. If this is the case, you might automatically balk at them whenever they seem to be telling you what to do or how to behave. However, it could be that your current partner is simply expressing an opinion.
Communication is crucial here, too. Instead of shutting yourself away or jumping down their throats as soon as you feel this way, consider telling them your story instead. They must understand how much the idea of being dominated weighs on you. Then, your partner will likely find more appropriate ways to share their advice or opinions without instilling this feeling in you.
Ultimately, you won't achieve much if you choose to face the wounds of your past alone. If it took one person's action to break you, it's through the intervention of another that you'll rebuild yourself.
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